remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
