The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
