I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
