Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
