i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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