Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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