Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
