update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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