the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
