Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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