I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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