Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
