So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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