So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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