omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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