He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
