Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
