Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
