ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
