And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
