If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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