he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
