I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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