I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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