i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize