Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
