How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Boobs speak an international language.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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