grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
