i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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