I need help removing her.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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