I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
