Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
