omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
