You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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