I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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