we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
