We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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