I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
