At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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