She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
