After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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