I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
