So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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