All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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