I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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