I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
