My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
