Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
