thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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