dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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