Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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