he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize