You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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