i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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