She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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