yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
