dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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