Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
