one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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