I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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