I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
