she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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