sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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