Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
